Proof that Halloween is Evil

We don't think people who "Trick or Treat" are bad, or that it's a sin to participate in Halloween in any way. We just choose not to be involved because it doesn't sit quite right with our beliefs and feelings about the "holiday" (holy-day?).

But strange things can happen on Halloween and last night was confirmation in my mind that Halloween is, indeed, EVIL.

So, what happened?

Well, for a few years now, we've made a small family tradition out of watching a long movie (usually Pride & Prejudice), eating our favorite sweets, and shutting all the blinds and turning off all the lights around the house to avoid being "trick or treated".

This year though, we did things a little deffrinit.

We went out to dinner at Pete's Place around 4pm to fill up for the rest of the evening. Most of their food is tasty, a good value, and extremely greasy. Both satisfied and bloated, we went back home to get ready for the night.

The next variable was that we were to break our yearly P&P tradition by watching a different movie called North & South, recommended by some friends of ours. Although we were certain that no long, drawn-out, BBC romance/drama production could ever dethrone P&P, we tried to clear our minds to give the new kid a chance.

That guy is perfect for Halloween... And she is Clueless

Not only that, but instead of candy this year, we each got our very own container of Ben n' Jerry's Ice Cream! Yum! (Ok, there was little candy going around too)


So we settled in and popped the first disc into our DVD player. It was a two-disc movie.

It was horrible! A terrible movie. Within the first hour, at least six characters had died (of which we felt no emotion for because we didn't know who they were! We had a body count of 8, by the end), the two main characters hated each other for some unknown reason, and everything was gloomy and despairing. It made no sense whatsoever! Such a far departure from our beloved P&P!

By the end of the first disc the two main characters met in a seemingly unrealistic and unimportant way. They both got off trains headed separate directions at the same exact time. The guy pulls out a flower from her old home in the South (of somewhere, we think they were near London) and after briefly discussing a business matter they started kissing! And the disc ended!

What is up with this movie!? So we furiously popped in the "2nd" disc, unsure of where the movie could possibly go now that the lead characters were already in love (suddenly). And the first thing we see is her, alone, in the same train they were in at the end of the last disc holding that silly flower, followed by a caption: "Two Months Earlier".

What?! Now we have to go back in time? They're going to explain everything AFTER we've seen the climax? How lame is that?

Anyone who has seen this movie before knows what happened :).

We watched the second disc first.

My Dad was the first to figure it out, after which point we burst into hysterics for about 15 minutes, marveling at our own stupidity. My Mom was actually slapping her thigh... I didn't even know people really did that (it seems like a compulsory reflex when you are unable to breathe). Of course, with a 4+ hour movie, it's not likely we'll try it again soon... it was the worst movie experience and best family experience we'd had in years ;).

Confused, tired, and with sore tummies (from laughter and ice-cream) we sought relief in our beds. Then I realized my next mistake:

Pete's Place, Dark Chocolate, and Ben n' Jerry's are not compatible substances.

After a restful slumber of about 30 minutes, I was up the rest of the night belching, pacing, and with a fast heartbeat.
So I listened to a 3 hour marketing conference, prayed, and made mind maps in an attempt to figure out my crazy life before finally going to sleep at 5:30am. Then I woke up at 8am because we needed to do a window job.

I persuaded my benevolent father to leave me alone for a while so he rescheduled the job for 11am.

A good father he is.

About 20 minutes later, I realized I can't sleep at 8:30 in the morning.

I hate Halloween.

Note to Parishes: Thanks for putting the discs in backwards.

If you'd like to read about our Halloween night from a slightly saner person, check out my sister's version at the family blog.